A Highly Unlikely Scenario, or a Neetsa Pizza Employee's Guide to Saving the World by Rachel Cantor (review by Fiona W. '21)

A Highly Unlikely Scenario, or a Neetsa Pizza Employee's Guide to Saving the World by Rachel Cantor
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

Leonard is a man who works for the international fast-food chain Neetsa Pizza’s customer support hotline. He takes his job oddly too seriously, to almost an occultish extent. One day, Leonard gets a call from a man who claims to be from the 13th century, and soon falls deep into the rabbit hole of ancient cults and time traveling.

I really wanted to like this book. The concept felt like a parody version of 1984, and I was all for it. However, the execution was just wrong. Halfway through the book, the plot began to fall apart, and by the end of it, I was completely lost. It pained me to read it all the way through, and I felt like I was just reading a random string of words rather than a coherent story. It was as if the author woke up in the middle of the night and furiously wrote out a dream she had in one go while she was still half-asleep. I’m not sure how this book got published, but it definitely serves to show authors what they shouldn’t do. - Fiona W. '21

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Dawnthief: Chronicle of the Raven by James Barclay (review by Amelia H. '19)

Dawnthief: Chronicles of the Raven: Book One by James Barclay
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

Dawnthief is a fantasy novel centered around a group of warriors called the Raven, who are tasked with helping a mage save the kingdom from evil creatures called the Wytch Lords, who are assisting barbaric tribes in invading the kingdom. The characters on the whole seem to be motivated solely by what will drive the plot forward. The Raven is joined along the way by a notable cast of characters including numerous people who turn evil for no discernible reason, feuding barons whose conflicts are given more paragraphs than they deserve, and women whose importance to the plot depends on their relationships with men. Indeed, the only woman particularly central to the plot is relegated to being a healer even though she has the same warrior capabilities as the men in the Raven, and it is vaguely mentioned that she will have amazingly powerful children, which is why she is important. There are elves, indistinguishable from humans except for being able to see in the dark and being referred to as elves. Additionally, the prose is clunky, with awkward phrasing that disrupts the flow of the writing, inconsistent dialogue, and inaccurate wording. Dawnthief is an interesting concept, carried out very poorly. - Amelia H. '19

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